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Every dog breeder must say goodbye to the babies that she raises. It is near crippling, how can it be survived?
My relationship to those darling puppies goes back even before the birth.
I planned for them- chose parents who had the best health and traits because I wanted them to be the best.
There were months or years of waiting for the perfect timing.
How can I move forward with the plan when I know that, eventually, it’ll be time to send those precious babies to their homes?? I can’t send them away- my heart would literally be ripped in two!
Planning for the Babies
I’d think the waiting would be over, but no- the pins and needles only intensify after there is a possibility of a pregnancy but I don’t know yet!!
The ultrasound couldn’t come fast enough. I went into the vet, sat in the waiting room, giving love to the mother although I was much more nervous than she was. Finally, it was my turn.
Heading to the back, the assistant takes all of mom’s vitals. Patient on the outside, but on the inside, I’m screaming, “When do I get to know if there are puppies???”
As the vet begins searching through the ultrasound tool, all I can see is black with white fuzz on the screen. How is anyone supposed to know what to look for? And then- a circular opening on the screen encasing a white blob. A puppy??? If I looked closely, I can see the heart beating!
My heart melts instantly.
These amazing tiny lives that I created are growing as we speak!
Knowing that the babies are indeed on their way, I dive into frantic preparations! I am determined to do everything I can for them in the short time that they are mine!
If the goodbye is coming, I’ll do everything I can to make it a positive day.
Google has never been searched so much as now. Every dog breeding contact I know is getting peppered with questions, I’m reviewing my notes every day, I’m reading and learning and slowly feeling ready.
Mom gets all the pampering she deserves- extra food, extra loves, extra cozy things.
The XRay and Self-Doubt
Finally, the due date approaches and it’s time for the xray. I’ve looked forward to this moment for a long time- my next glimpse at the babies who I love already even though I’ve never seen them.
The vet visit is just as prolonged and unbearable as the first! I could literally burst from the anticipation!
When your time is finally here, I see the image on the screen of healthy little spines and sculls. I am frantically trying to count! How many are there? How many darling little souls depend on me for their needs? How am I going to be sure I give them everything they need and deserve?
Suddenly, I’m not so sure if I am as prepared as I thought, and there’s only a few days to go!
In a panic, I wonder if this was the right thing to do! Did I make a mistake??
What if something happens to mom doggie during labor?? What if something happens to the babies? Was I crazy to do this?
Finally Meeting The Babies
Of course, there’s nothing to be done now. Those babies came on time, as is nature’s way.
All my research makes it easy to notice the signs of labor in mom. Besides, I’m taking her temperature according to my whelping kit’s instructions.
She’s digging and pacing and panting.
The anxiety is through the roof! When will the first baby be here? What if there is a problem?
I comfort mom, after all, she’s got the hardest job today! She cuddles into me as she labors. I notice her tail lift, her body tense. She’s pushing!
The first pup is here- and he’s the most darling baby you’ve ever seen! A stunning black phantom pup. Mom licks him, removes the sac, bites the cord.
Is he breathing? Is he breathing?? He looks still and limp!
At last- a gasp of air and a squeak of sound! The sigh of relief is palpable!
He’s here, he’s ok, and he’s all mine! But he’s not the end- 7 more babies follow for a total of 8! With each new life, I feel new joy and new responsibility. I’ll give anything for these darling pups. My heart is gone- it belongs to them now.
Short Lived Celebration
Unfortunately, disaster strikes almost immediately.
As happens to 1 out of every 5 newborn puppies, the smallest darling boy passes after birth. (Want to know how to avoid these deaths? Learn more here)
I wasn’t ready for this kind of a goodbye! This as shockingly and instantly permanent.
I tried everything!
I used the bulb syringe in my whelping kit to clear his airways. Rubbing him helped him take his first labored breaths. Warming on the heat pad? No change. A drop of karo syrup to give him energy, a drop of 5 hour energy when the karo didn’t work, I tried to help him open his mouth and insert mom’s nipple to see if he could nurse with assistance. I continued working with him until the very end- despite the steady decline, I had hope until the very last breath.
But he’s gone.
The only comfort is that I did everything- I was prepared, I had the knowledge, I had the equipment, I gave him every chance for survival that I could have.
Could you imagine the guilt had I not been ready?? Crippling.
I won’t forget him though. I named him anyways (he deserved a name), found a safe and loving resting place. He’s my puppy- forever.
Better Every Week
Each new phase is a little more exhausting for me- but with each new phase, my excitement is rejuvenated as I see them grow!
In the newborn phase, I sleep feet away from the whelping box and check on the 7 remaining babies all night long. I won’t allow them to get hurt if mom accidentally steps or lays on a puppy!
Every day from day 3 to day 16, I conduct Early Neurological Stimulation exercises and Early Scent Introduction. Nothing but the BEST for my babies!
At 3 weeks, the pups begin eating formula. I carefully prepare each batch of food, sure to follow the instructions to the T, to avoid choking while providing top notch nutrition. This phase requires more smell and more cleaning, but it’s all worth it to keep my babies in a sanitary home.
At 4 weeks, I introduce my puppies to a kennel, new toys- specially chosen to stimulate their minds and bodies, and the outdoors! The puppies LOVE it!
I put extra effort into beginning training skills, such as potty on a potty pad.
The Rollercoaster Dips Again
Every week from now on, I have a photoshoot with the puppies to forever remember those darling faces!
Although it’s a fun experience to photograph them, it brings sadness as well- I know that these pictures serve the purpose of helping loving families meet and choose my darling babies.
Maybe I should just keep them all???
I walk through that possibility in my mind, but know it’s unrealistic. They need more individual love and attention that I could possibly give all 7 pups.
But then, how will I face the inevitable? They will leave me. And SOON! That goodbye is coming.
The Clock Ticks Away
It’s like the days fly by at this point.
5 weeks old- curiously exploring so many new things! I adore their love for life and choose to live a little more fully myself after their contagious joy takes hold of me.
6 weeks old- full of social loving interaction! I can be more like that- I choose to reach out a little more to my loved ones and friends because of the darling puppies’ great example.
7 weeks old- people are actively contacting me, interviewing, showing me their lovely homes and families, eager to place a deposit for one of my babies. It hurts, and yet I love it. These people are angels sent to love my pups…. However, I still can’t help but resent the fact that I can’t provide that love myself!
8 weeks old- I know it’s close now. Families are scheduled to pick up their babies over the next 4 weeks! Can I postpone the goodbyes any longer? There has to be a way!
The Goodbye is Here
No, it can’t be here!
It’s not possibly today.
How am I going to get through it?? I can’t say goodbye!
And then, there they are- the smiling, elated family who I chose for this particular little girl. I call her Annie. She’s the energetic one of the litter, the leader, the friendly and social butterfly.
I am sure the rest of us will not get along without her!
But here they are.
As I look at Annie, all bathed, nails trimmed, a bow around her neck for the occasion, I almost back out. I can give them their deposit back, keep her forever, and everything will be just fine!
I look to the family, ready to state this new change of plan, and as I look into the eyes of the children- I see the same love that I have for Annie reflected there.
The words catch in my throat.
Instead of saying anything, I watch. I watch as the loving hands engulf little Annie, who is thrilled at the attention. I watch as they begin to play with her without cue, a natural response to the excitement they all feel. Next, they unload all the goodies that they have been packing away like squirrels, just waiting for Annie to join their home- there is a collar, a leash, toys, cozy blankets.
As I watch, my fears settle. When Annie is at their home, she WILL get the love that I wanted for her. This is best.
Choosing My Puppy Over Myself
I realize my feelings must be set aside- for Annie.
The best thing for me to do now is to share everything I can with these lovely people who will raise her! How can I prepare them??
I share my Preparing for Puppy Packet and go through the most important tips and tricks that I can offer to them. I share ideas on how to make the transition to a new home go smoothly, ideas for training, tips for feeding, how to continue socialization, how to keep her healthy and safe.
My final gift to them, and to Annie, is as much knowledge as I can possibly share. We spend over an hour talking.
Then it’s time.
I do it. I say the “goodbye” to my dear Annie.
As I hug Annie, I know it won’t be the last time. This is REALLY goodbye- not the forever kind. These are good people. They will let me be part of her life! They promised to send pictures and videos! I will get to see her become the dog I dreamed she would be!
I feel a rush of gratitude- for these amazing people who are now my family, for my own good choices in carefully interviewing them, for technology that will allow us to stay connected, for the remaining puppies who will be my comfort after she’s gone.
For a temporary goodbye instead of a permanent one. I guess I can live through that. As long as it’s not permanent.
But still… maybe a tub of ice cream will soothe the feelings tonight.
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